it might just all be a facade

Sunday, July 02, 2006;

♥ 7/02/2006 08:11:00 AM

i used to think
i had the answers to everything
but now i know
that life doesnt always goes my way
feel like im caught in the middle
tts when i realised>>

for those who's still livin in your own dreamland or what-so-ever and hadnt realised.
school'd had already start'd for 1 weeks. ughh.
yesh, meanin all the darn stress plus irritaing textbooks that come hauntin after you ever in the dreams had officially start'd AGAIN.
everyone, say AWHHH.
=\ =\ =\

anyways. school's been fine? at least ive been doing my homework. (:
now, your jaws drop.
but yeah. im surprised too and for the first time im actually willing to go read thru my hist tb. ((:
ive been neglecting my maths ever since school started! ): and my phy esp has been collecting dust! ughhh
y'know. i like studying. but i hate crammin info into my already-puny brain and mug like shit.
):

actually i dunno why m i blogging. i seem to lost my touch of blogging already. hahas. ive absolutey nth to blog down here. even if i have smth to blog bout, i cant blog down here. ):
hahas, and for situations like this, im so grateful there's this thing call'd diary. =D =D =D

heres at random!

BArium Oxide - Play hard Study hard says:
u just lost ur bet
BArium Oxide - Play hard Study hard says:
u owe me 10000
BArium Oxide - Play hard Study hard says:
euros
*/fangs_ i see a bigger picture_ says:
hahas. sure. i'll write a check for you and get it from my secretery tml. beofre 11am, if not i will tear it.
BArium Oxide - Play hard Study hard says:
haha u talk cock
BArium Oxide - Play hard Study hard says:
ok meet u where loser?
*/fangs_ i see a bigger picture_ says:
hmms. i think i'll be flyin to aust for a meetin or smth. so you'll contact my secret.
BArium Oxide - Play hard Study hard says:
NOOB NEWB LOSER
BArium Oxide - Play hard Study hard says:
TUE show me ur passport
BArium Oxide - Play hard Study hard says:
trying to be funny
*/fangs_ i see a bigger picture_ says:
hahas. not funny. im not laughin!!
*/fangs_ i see a bigger picture_ says:
=p
*/fangs_ i see a bigger picture_ says:
and stop calling me noob. you arse
BArium Oxide - Play hard Study hard says:
NOOB
*/fangs_ i see a bigger picture_ says:
ARSE

tts irritain person who preferr'd himself being calld a BARIUM OXIDE is dj by the way. (:

oh yeah. i saw you. with the sign perfect starngers written all over our faces. =\
i hate this feeling alrights. the feeling of seein someone, whom you used to hold so clsoe and dear to your heart, now walkin past you, standin right in front of you. yet you could do nth other than look away and walk past quickly.
i really hope things would be fine b/w us. tt we would still gather around in cliques, laughin and chatting bout our life and stuff. but for now. its seems jus tt impossible. ):
did i cause tt much trouble in your family that til now, it seems as though im still being blamed by you?
did i cause tt much unhappiness in you that til now, it seems as though youre tryin so hard to avoid me and get me out of your life?
did i not do anything correct thru-out tt 363 days that til now, it seems as though you hated me?
...
yeah, maybe i did. maybe to you, im just an irritant thats been buggin you ever since we know each other. tts been causing you the troubles. or to put it simply, maybe now. im already in your hate list or watever.
sighs. i din want things to turn out this way. i thought tt i was right from the beginning, but sadly. i wasnt.
the feeling just stink. to realise after 363 days tt the person you hold so so tightly to your heart wasnt the one-to-be. to realise after 1 year tt your heart still aches everytime you got remindd of the past. to realise that the next love would no longer be the same, cos HE will still remain in your heart somehow or another. =X
i dunno. i knew i shouldnt be feelin like this, cos afterall wats past already past. and theres no point crying and doing some stupid stuff over it.
but jus ytd, i spend a whole half an hour in the toilet crying like madd.
i dunno. =\ =\ =\
the feelin just stink terribly alrights.
its like telling your mind not to cry, cso you jolly well know tt when you start crying, you cant stop. but the terrible horrible tears would just keep flowing and flowing.
its like tellin your mind to smile instead of crying, cos you know tt at least you were once happy. but the tears would continue flowing.
its like teeling your mind tt memories are there to make you feel happy and to remind you of simple happy stuff. but the tears never did stop.
y'know. i written a 3 pg long dairy entry, and its all all all bout you. ):
bout how i actually hate myself for not gg up to you and say hi. for not wavin to you. for not even dare to look into your eyes. ughh. knowin its might just be one of the last times im seeing you. ):
ughhh. i dunno
i just, hate this feeling.
FULL STOP.

for those helpless times, im thankful for ppl like szemian and jkong.
szemian, thanks for being able to make me laugh like madd outside school yd. (:
and kong, thanks for all the advices and sense youve knock'd into me. (:

i'd do anything
just to hold you in my arms
to try to make you laugh
somehow i cant put you in the past;

&maybe things will be fine after awhile.